not good with emotions, but inside i’m always conflicted. on the outside, i keep showing this rude, selfish, angry, asshole of a character. i don’t know when i became that guy, but at first people thought it was refreshing. i truly do miss who i was in the past. warm, affectionate. truth is, i can’t keep up with anyone anymore, so i became bitter. it’s pretty late in the year, but i want to remember 2011 for making a move to change, not the year where i was a dick.
i remember when i use to care. kind of miss it. the funny guy who was nice. guess it’s now just an asshole who jokes about others. well, i don’t want to be the guy anymore. gotta learn to hold my tongue.
homegirl told me she missed me tonight, but that aside, my nigga from way back told me he missed me. NO HOMO. but i hold this guy with the upmost respect. and he told me something that lifted my spirit.
” i always thought you were kind of a genious ”
feeding my nonexistent self esteem. he brought up the talents i use to have. story writing, lyricism, artwork, animation. it really made me feel great. this coming from a guy who’s pretty much already accomplished. someone who’s engaged, has a child, has a great job, basically an established man in society’s eyes. and he still respects me.
i need to stop with pessimism, but i gotta get the hell out of this place. haha. vb is a trap! get the hell out why you still can!
i wish we talked more
how am i just now starting to watch longbeardva?!
my friend and i are interested in moving to richmond. virginia beach has made our lives mundane. it’s become monotonous to the point that i spend more time having an inner monologue than with speaking with others. my overall goal is to join the navy and start a career; however, i want to just escape for a moment. there’s a lot of people here in virginia beach that i would still love to be able to speak with more often, but since i’m engulfed in trepidation, i subject them to small talk instead. this isn’t the first time i’ve had interest in moving to richmond. i wish i had my head on straight senior year, instead of being the manic depressive person i was. i was taking college courses junior year, and my teachers recommended me for even more higher learning. yet i was so focus on my social life because i thought that was what made me happy. i wanted to apply to VCU, but now i sit idly by, secluded in my hometown, while my associates move closer to their careers and have the times of their lives. it’s been 3 years since the time i was projected to graduate, and 2 years since my actual graduation. the people i was supposed to graduate with are currently in their senior years of college or already have careers, seeing the world. my peers from my graduating class, on in their junior years, taking internships, experiencing life, living in houses, and etc. i know i can’t change the past, but i want to live in richmond for a little, as a little vacation. and afterwards i’m going to have grow some balls and actually join the navy. pissing away the social life that i once held in high regard as my source of content. guess i need to shit or get off the pot.
slowly adopting existential nihilism and misanthropy.
what’s gucci my nigga? what’s louie my killa? what’s drugs my deala?
what’s that browser, mozilla?
what’s that monster, godzilla?
what’s that restaurant, jade villa?
what’s that producer, j dilla?
pretty sure most of the posts i like are natalie portman and emma watson pictures.
house shook leaving chandeliers swinging. i mistook it for someone running up the stairs at first. first earthquake experience on an idle tuesday afternoon.
i have to stay away from you. i’m pretty sure 6 years of this is far too long
now that i’m 21, i actually hang out with my dad. it may be just because drinking makes me family closer. however, we’ve both come to the same conclusion; i need to turn my life around. i’m a fucking bum, and i need to get out of this stint of laziness. i’m going to make something of myself. i promise.
mean remarks come to mind faster than compliments. and i’m so impulsive so i just blurt it out without thought. must learn to hold back
i just changed tabs while i just starting playing So Fly by childish gambino. tom riddle is so talented
fear mandates my demeanor. too much things have happen that i can’t have no shame in my game anymore.
the skills to back up the ego. but a lack of courage to back up the ego
i mean, shit’s been cool and all, but i miss you and wish you were here. all these other girls are such flakes. they all say they want to kick it, but it always falls through. i’m glad i have my friends with me, but this summer is missing a significant aspect.
